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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26577778">Light of My Life</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/takemyopenheart/pseuds/takemyopenheart'>takemyopenheart</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Open Heart (Visual Novels)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/M, Fluff and Angst</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 11:48:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,595</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26577778</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/takemyopenheart/pseuds/takemyopenheart</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Confronted by the sight of his mother, Ethan retreats back to the anger that’s consumed him for the past 25 years.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ethan Ramsey/Main Character (Open Heart), Ethan Ramsey/Original Female Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Light of My Life</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Time stands still, and he remains motionless as he stares down at the face of the unconscious woman. Everything around him disappears as he’s forced to face the shell of the woman he once knew.</p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>He doesn’t recognize her anymore. The last time he’d seen her was from afar when he and Luz had gone to look for her in the pouring rain. Not until now is she within arm’s reach. She’s thinner than he remembers, and her once vibrant face is pale. There’s not a trace of the smile he witnessed as a child, not an ounce of that person he’d only known for 12 years before she walked out of his life.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>With a shake of his head, he pushes all those thoughts away and gets to work. This is not the time to reopen old wounds. He quickly assesses her state and quickly points out what stands out to him, like he’s trained to do.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Blue lips and fingertips. How’s her breathing?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Beside him, Luz presses the stethoscope to her chest. "Shallow."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Pupils are small and unresponsive...," he continues.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Luz continues her inspection and lifts her sleeve, only to confirm her theory when she exposes the track marks on her arm. "It looks like an opioid overdose. We need to wake her up."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>The fury takes over him again at the sight of them. "Louise? Dammit!"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>So this is how her life had turned out? Had it been any other patient, he would have felt empathy for their situation. It would be utterly ridiculous to feel such a pang for this woman, yet it slowly creeps up on him. The threat that he did feel such an emotion for someone who willingly chose to walk out of his life was ridiculous. But he won’t. With another shake of his head he focuses back on his job.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Once Luz injects her with the naloxone and she regains consciousness, Ethan morphs back into the defensive, stoic doctor everyone’s come to know.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Alright, she’ll make it. Nurse? Keep an eye on her. We’re done here." He barely finishes the sentence before he walks away with heavy footsteps, determined to get as far as he possibly can away from that woman.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>He can barely register the sound of the door opening as he sits hunched over in the on-call room. His mind is fogged, as much as he tries to bury the resentment, he finds it impossible. She has managed to dig her way into his brain. The way her eyes rolled to the back of her head. The ghastly sight of those track marks. She isn’t his mother. He doesn’t know who that woman is. He never did.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>And the thought of having to tell his father about it all. The thought of Allan having to see her in such a state. He can’t think straight.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>The spot beside him sinks as Luz takes a seat. He feels her hand gently run over his back. He allows it, though he doesn’t think anything at the moment can suppress the deep-seated anger and hurt that’s remained with him for the last 25 years.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Ethan, are you alright?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"She does <em>not</em> get to do this to me. She does not get to make me feel bad for her," he spits out.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I’m so sorry."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Don’t be. This has nothing to do with me. That woman isn’t anyone I know." He pinches the bridge of his nose as he feels the oncoming headache.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Did you have any idea she was using?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"No." He grits his teeth at the thought.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Do you think your dad knows?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>The only question he’s afraid to ask himself. "...I don’t know."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>He is not going to sit here and wallow. The room feels like a vortex that’s pulling him to confront his worst fears. He won’t have it. There are patients depending on him, and he’ll be damned if that woman gets too far into his head that he can’t even focus on his job. "I have to get back to work."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"That was your mom, Ethan. She nearly died. You can take a <em>minute</em>. It’s okay—"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>He can’t look at Luz. In fact, he doesn’t think he has since seeing Louise. He won’t have her see the anger in his eyes.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"No it isn’t. There are patients that need me much more than she does." And with that, he gets to his feet and leaves the room with a slam of the door.</p>
  <hr/>
</div><div>
  <p>Ethan finds himself sitting behind his desk during the lunch hour pouring over patient files, doing anything to distract himself from the ghost of the past he’s been confronted with.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>And it’s then that he feels instant regret, not about his mother, but about Luz. He shut her out once again. How were they supposed to form a trusting relationship if he constantly ran from her? He couldn’t keep everything bottled up inside, he understood that, but at the same time, he didn’t want to burden her with his problems. This was <em>his</em> issue, not hers.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>She’d come to check on him a few times throughout the day, though didn’t bring the subject of his mother up. She knew it was still raw. But he needed to see her. Now that the anger had subsided somewhat, he wanted nothing more than to gaze at that warm smile, and for her to understand that he wasn’t angry with her, and that he just needed space to himself.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>
    <b>‘Come to my office when you have time. Nothing urgent, just need to speak to you.’</b>
  </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He sends the text message and gets back to his task. Ten minutes later, her familiar floral scent hits his nose as she enters the office, and he can’t help but smile for the first time that day.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I’m here. How are you doing?" Her own smile appears forlorn and small as she sits on the edge of the desk beside him.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>He brings his hand to her arm and looks up at her. "I’m sorry."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>The crease between her eyebrows deepens. "For what?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"For walking away again. I wasn’t angry with you, but at the situation. Seeing <em>her</em> like that... it was too much."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>She breathes a heavy sigh and brings the seat across his desk next to him. "Ethan, you don’t have to be. Really. I can’t imagine what that must have been like to see her that way."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I slammed the door in your face." He winces at the memory, wishing he could take it back.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>She takes his hands, grasping them both with her own. "You did, and you shouldn’t have, but I know you weren’t angry with me. It’s 25 years of so much hurt, I don’t blame you for the way you reacted. It won’t just magically go away."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>He stares at her for the longest time, completely in awe at how she could be so understanding after everything they’d gone through. He’d nearly lost her, he’ll do anything to not threaten that ever again.</p>
</div><p>"I’m not some savior who’s going to make all the problems in your life go away, that’s not realistic, Ethan. You’re still grieving."</p>
<p></p><div>
  <p>He clutches her hand tighter. "I’m scared...," he admits. The admission is surprising even to him. In that instant, he feels 12 again. "I’ve never admitted that until now. But of what? I don’t even know."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"You were just a boy when she left. It scared you then, and it scared you now seeing her like that. Everything came back to the surface, that anger, that confusion. Everything all at once, didn’t it?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>He nods slowly. The fog is slowly clearing away as they sit in the silence, though his mind is still trying to comprehend what’s transpired. "What happens now? Do I talk to her? Do I give her a chance? What if I don’t want to? Does that make me a monster?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Absolutely not. Look at me, Ethan." He lifts his head to meet the intensity in her eyes as she speaks. "You are allowed to be angry with her. Your feelings are valid. There is nothing wrong with not wanting her in your life. But that’s a decision you’ll make for yourself. Whatever you decide, I’ll stand by you."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>He shuts his eyes and leans his forehead against hers. They stay that way for a long moment, it’s comforting. And all he wants is the comfort only she can bring him.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"It’s going to be hard. I don’t know what I’ll do. I still can’t shake the hatred I feel for her. But thanks for being so understanding."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I’m here if you ever wish to talk about it. Okay? But I can also give you the space if you need it."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"It’s going to be really hard to fully confront everything, but having you by my side will probably make it easier. I don’t want to shut you out anymore. I can’t go through it alone."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I’ll always be here. You know that."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Thank you. For everything." He leans in to close the distance between their lips as she circles her arm around his neck.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>He doesn’t know what the future will bring. Nothing can be resolved in an instant. It’s going to take years to confront this part of his life. But the one thing he is sure of is that he’ll hold on to the one person who <em>does</em> matter in his life. The person who’s stuck by him throughout his worst. Because just like the meaning of her name, she is the luz (light) of his life.</p>
</div>
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